The Guy's Girl

I will be the first person to admit that I was a typical girl in high school. I said on a regular basis that I was a guy's girl, and that girls hated me for no reason. I was fully convinced that I was “one of the guys,” while also being the girl they all wanted. I loved the attention, however I didn't fully understand what I was saying. I have heard almost every teenage girl I've known describe themselves as a guy's girl. I think many young women push themselves to be whoever guys would want to hang out with. Thank God I have learned a thing or two since then.

Girls: it's OKAY to be a girl. It's okay to like dressing up, shopping, shoes, and chick flicks. It's okay to be emotional sometimes, and to do makeup and like cats. Don't force yourself to like things that you don't like. It's also okay to be adventurous and to try new things. You never know what you might enjoy. I, for one, enjoy archery, 4-wheeling, camping, snowshoeing, and shooting. But I also know that I love shopping, reading, doing my makeup, wearing high heels and dresses, and watching chick flicks. That's okay too. It's also okay for you to not like doing certain things. I don't like skiing or talking about my many bodily functions, and that's okay. Be you. You can't find a guy who likes you for you if you aren't being you.

It's also vitally important to form and maintain very close friendships with other women. Yes, it's incredibly challenging. However, when you are in a committed relationship with a man (or woman) in the future, your friendships with other women are the ones that will remain important. They are also the friendships that will matter the most in the long run.

Alright, last of all, please just stop claiming you are a guy's girl. It's quite frankly annoying to all women, and a turn-off for most men. Guys want a woman they can hang out with, but make no doubt, they also want a woman. They don't like competing for your attention, or feeling jealous either. It's just unnecessary.

Forgive me for my rant. I understand that no one is going to read this, and quite frankly I don't care. Just advertising my opinions, since this is the internet, and that's what we do here.

10 things I would tell my 16 year old self if I could

So I was on Pinterest today (let's be honest, I'm always on Pinterest), and I found a list of things to blog about. It's from #20in13. I'll post the link the next time I have it up on my computer, but it's easier said than done on my phone. So even though no one reads this, here goes. 

10 Things I Would Tell My 16-Year-Old Self if I Could:

1: Treat mom better. She doesn't deserve to be lied to. She doesn't deserve those eye rolls, or the attitude. To be honest, you don't deserve such a good mom. That being said, don't let her feelings control your life. You can't control how she feels. Be nice about it, but also be yourself. 

2: Don't be so quick to judge others. You don't know where they've been until you've been there yourself, and even if you have been there yourself, you aren't them.  Keep the empathy you were blessed with. 

3: Learn to listen. Just shut up sometimes. Don't get overwhelmed by the drama, but not everyone wants to hear about you all of the time. 

4: Be yourself. Be confident with who you are and how you look. You cannot possibly look like anyone else (expensive Michael Jackson surgeries aside), so be comfortable with who you are. Find your good side, and rock it. Learn to use makeup to highlight your good features. Spend a little extra on a good pair of genes, or nice underwear. Make yourself feel good and pretty, because you are. 

5: Eat the pizza. Drink the soda. You're young. Do t whole it doesn't make a difference. 

6:  Play with your family. Spend more quality time with them. In the end, it's your family that will always be there for you. So play cards. Play bored games. Talk to your sisters. Play with your brother. Read to him.  Go to the park. Go for a walk. Build the relationships that will last, and will matter.

7:  Realize that you're ignorant. Seek out to know more. Try harder in school. Stick it through college. It's important. 

8:  I know you get depressed. You'll get through it. Be strong. Life gets better. It also gets a lot worse. You know the old adage; what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Push yourself to be happy.

9:  Be uncomfortable. Force yourself to do things that you wouldn't normally do. That's how you improve yourself.  That's how you make good memories. 

10:  Get to know the people around you. Especially your elders. They have some amazing stories. Have patience with people. Have patience with your family.  Have patience with becoming an adult. You'll grow up too fast anyway. You'll miss this. Enjoy it while it lasts. 

My venue and stuff.

So after searching and visiting many a venue, I think we have finally found the one. One of my friends had her wedding there about a year ago. Is it tacky to use the same place? Anyway, it's Lone Hawk Farm in Longmont. It's closer to home, and it's perfect for us! I didn't take any pictures of this one, but here are some from a Google image search. 

See? Sooo perfect! And here are the pictures of the first one I was considering in Loveland. The fact that it's in Loveland, the "kitchen" was gross, there was no air conditioning, no shade, and the barn was way too tiny for what we would need.  And the bathrooms were port-o-potties. 

Osborn farm was so cute, but there were just too many downsides. 

Here was my day yesterday. 

Dog poop. Yep. Gross. I spent an hour cleaning the cushions. I can't even tell you how mad I was at my stupid dog. 

These are my 4th of July nails. It was a great independence day. Travis and I went to Loveland Lake for fireworks, and they were AMAZING! It was a good night. 

Squirt had surgery on the first to get her tumor removed. Everything went fine, and she was up on crutches the next day. It was an easy surgery. She's not in any pain, and she'll probably only be on crutches till Tuesday, when the stitches get removed. 

Here is my new haircut (curly and then straight) 

Aaannnnddd.... I suppose that's it for now. I'll update you all on more stuff later. :) love ya!

1 week poo-free

Ok, so it's been a little more than a week, but the pictures are from the one week mark. So I may have jumped the gun on how nice it felt. A lot. It's been very dry and weird feeling. But I've already noticed a huge difference in how much less greasy my hair has felt. I've already skipped washing my hair twice. I did stop using the vinegar rinse. My mom reminded me that vinegar makes your hair darker, especially with the sun, so I went back to using conditioner, which helped a lot with the dryness. It's taking some getting used to, but I'm sticking to it! At least it doesn't look dirty!

Stop, drop, and listen

So I have the unique experience of being only ten years older than my almost thirteen-year-old step daughter. Even so, I was having a really hard time connections with her, and there was almost a sense of animosity between us for a little while. Some of this has to do with issues we have been facing with her mother, which is totally unfair to her, I know, but luckily I recently re-read all of my journals. Here is what I wrote to my future self, without even knowing it.

I told myself that I needed to stop pushing my thoughts and opinions on my pre-teen and teenagers. I needed to drop my hurt feelings, and drop my opinions, and shut up. I needed to stop talking, drop what I wanted to say, and just listen. I know, you get it. But seriously, this was a major big thing to me. So after realizing that most of my talks with Brieanna had been me talking at her and lecturing her, I decided to try shutting up for once.

And guess what? It worked. She actually wants to tell me stuff! She is spilling out gossip and secrets and telling me about her day on her own! It took a little bit of prodding at first, but she told me about her first boyfriend before she told her mom or dad, and even before he asked her out. She tells me about her friends, what they do together and talk about, and how she feels about things going on in her life. It's amazing, and I love it! 

It isn't quite working for Dylan, but he's a boy, and I'm not quite sure that talking about feelings is something any boy really does.

Anyway, so my advice for mothers of teenage girls is to try it. Stop, drop, and listen. It's harder than you think, but well worth the effort. 

No Poo!

Ok blogosphere. Here goes nothing. I've read up on the no-poo (no shampoo/conditioner) know-how, and the blogs I've read have me convinced to try it. So today begins my adventures in a poo-free world. I decided to lather up with straight baking soda (not watered down), and to condition with watered down white vinegar. I just took my first poo-free shower, and here are my thoughts.

It felt kind of grainy at first, not slimy like I had read about. I assume that's because I flat out was rubbing dry baking soda on my dampened hair. I rubbed it all over my scalp, and let it sit while I washed and shaved the rest of my body. When I rinsed it out, I defiantly felt the sliminess a little more, and my hair actually squeaked a little bit. Than I sprayed the water/vinegar on the ends of my hair, waited a minute, and rinsed. 

It was a bit more difficult to brush, but over all, not too bad. I added a little spray of perfume to my hairbrush, because the vinegar kind of scared me a little. It already feels so silky, and it hasn't even dried yet! I've read about a transitional period for your hair, so I won't be too surprised when it happens, but for now, I already am excited about the results. Wish me luck!

I'm engaged!

So it finally happened. He proposed. :) I can't tell you how happy and excited I am to be his wife. So I have begun the planning. And I already have advice. Go figure. Haha!

So for our wedding, I'm hoping for a rustic barn sort of theme. I have been looking everywhere for a cheap barn to rent out that didn't have a million requirements. I have run into several issues, such as you have to be done by nine, you have to use our caterers, you need to hire a bar tender for a champaign toast, etc. Oy! So my advice is to be very particular in your google search, and to use more than one search engine. I started out looking for barn venues in Colorado. There were very few results, and the ones I found were pricy. Barn weddings in Colorado produced a similar result. Although the venues were nice, they were expensive and about an hour or more away. Yuck. So I finally looked up farm wedding in northern Colorado (I also specified: Longmont, Loveland, Boulder, Greely, and Fort Collins). Ding, ding, ding! Finally I found some decent locations! I did use google a lot, but I would recommend using another search engine as well to get more results.

I ran into a lot of great ideas for my wedding along the way though. One woman decided that instead of renting out flatware, silverware, and glassware, she would go to thrift stores and estate sales to collect an assortment of china to give it an antique rustic and eclectic feel. I loved the look, so I've just begun my collection of plates.

I have already gone wedding dress shopping once with my best friend (she was moving to New York the following week, so we decided to go before she left), and although it was a lot of fun, and I found a dress I LOVE, I would suggest visiting more than one store, and not buying the first dress you love until you have tried on several. I haven't bought a dress yet, partially because I don't have the money saved for one yet, and partially because my mom and sisters weren't there to see it, and I'm glad I didn't. If I bought a dress this soon I'd probably have major buyer's remorse right now. I will take my time and visit another shop or two before I decide. I have plenty of time.

I am sorry to say that I'm finding my stress is coming mostly from my mother who is trying to pressure me into doing a wedding in mid August of this year. That's about 5 months away, and we have NO money for a wedding, as we just purchased a home. My mom is convinced that $2000 is more than enough for a perfect wedding. I think her misconceptions come from the fact that she is Mormon and is used to temple weddings and church hall receptions, both free. I do understand her point of view in other ways. My sister and her husband are moving to Washington at the end of the summer for school. But there are so many other issues. The vacation schedule for this summer is full, most wedding venues are booked, it's practically impossible for us to get time off work, and we don't have the money for a wedding or a honeymoon. It's just getting too sticky for my liking.

That being said, I am very lucky to be able to save money in ways that others aren't. My dad is hopefully going to take care of the cooking, so we only need to take care of the cost of the food. My wedding gift from one of my "other moms" is a wedding cake, and yet another gift from one of my "other moms" is alterations for my dress. I have several family friends that will give me discounts on photography, and one might even do it for me for free. I also know someone who's a dj, and someone who is a professional decorator and already owns a lot of the rustic type decorations I want, and she'll do it all for a reasonable price. Chairs and tables are available for free from my parent's church, and we know plenty of people with trucks. So I feel very lucky to have a lot of stuff already taken care of. Thanks in advance to all of those willing to help!

Last but not least, I am trying to keep this fun and easy. I don't want it to be a stressful, hectic, and frustrating experience. I want to have fun and enjoy my wedding.

Thanks for reading!

Advice for step-moms

This one is kind of a touchy subject for me, so I hope that I can cover it delicately and leave the feelings and stories out as much as possible.

I am a future step-mother.  My step kids are 12 and 13, which is not an easy age, as any mother could tell you.  It helps that I have been in their life since they were 9 and 10, but even at that age, they were a little old to be completely open to me.  It also makes a difference that their mothers are both a huge part of their lives.  I am going to try to touch on a couple pieces of advice for step mothers that are in a similar situation.  Here are some rules that I am setting up for myself in my own life to make things run more smoothly, and to create a warm and loving family unit.

1.  Spend time with each child one-on-one.  Or even if there is only one child, spend time with them alone.  You should be trying to build a relationship with them.  Get to know who they are.  Let them know that they can trust you, and that you care about what they say.  Listen to them, and give them a chance to talk, and don't react when they tell you something that causes jealousy or involves their mother and not you.  Give it some time, take a deep breath, and remember that they are children and that they have a mother that they love.  This doesn't mean that there isn't room for you.  It just means that you can't replace their mother, and that is okay.  Spend time with them doing things they like to do, but also helping them with homework or giving them rides to school.  You already have a relationship with their father, but that doesn't mean you automatically are entitled to a good relationship with them.  That has to be built as much as your relationship with your spouse does.

2.  Learn to share.  This sounds so lame, but I had a really hard time sharing things I normally had for myself.  Weather it was a food I really loved, or a shirt my step daughter wanted to borrow, I was very selfish.  It was my special thing that I spent my money on, and I wanted it for myself.  It's okay to keep some things just yours, but you need to learn that it's okay to share.  It's actually kind of nice to have your step kids like the same things you do, and want to be like you in a small way, even if it's just a snack food you both love, or a shirt you both like.  I also had a really hard time sharing my time.  I wanted Travis to myself all of the time, but that's dumb.  Family time is just as important as one-on-one time.

3.  Time management is important.  You need to make sure you and your spouse have time to yourselves.  You didn't get the opportunity to date like most couples do.  You didn't get the honeymoon stage of marriage, because you already had a child involved.  That's okay.  Make sure you make time for each other one-on-one.  Go out on a date once a week.  Even if it's just running errands.  It's important to build your relationship, even though it's sometimes easier to just put that on hold while the kids get older.  The other half of this is family time.  Make sure that when you are all together, you are having quality family time.  We try to have at least one really nice family dinner at the table with no technology a week.  We eat until everyone is done, and we play a game afterward.  Travis and I both work weekends, but when we can we try to do fun activities with the kids, weather it's swimming, going for a walk, or even going to my parent's house for Sunday dinners.  These excursions help to bond us as a family, and make us work together better as a family unit.

4.  Keep a safe distance from their mothers.  Okay, I'm not saying don't have any relationship with their mothers, that would be ridiculous.  You should have their phone numbers in your emergency contact list, and you should be able to call or text to coordinate plans.  But you don't need to be their friends.  In fact, I wouldn't recommend that you become close friends.  Too much can go wrong if you become close friends.  Be polite, and understand that they might be wary of you. They might feel threatened because it seems like you are trying to replace them.  They might feel protective of their child because they don't know you as well, and you are becoming a big part of their child's life.  This is okay.  Be patient when you are speaking to them, be considerate, and don't say more than is necessary.  If they are asking for your opinion on something, be honest, but also be nice.  You cannot get away from them.  They will always be your child's mother, even if they drive you nuts or if you don't get along.  So do your best to just stay on a nice note without complicating the relationship at all.

5.  Be honest.  Be honest with them about things that are happening in your life.  If they ask you a question, tell them the truth.  Also, be honest with your partner.  They need to know how you feel, and what you are thinking.  They can't make things better for you or easier for you if they don't know what's wrong, or how you feel about something.  It's important to communicate with everyone in the family, because it's hard to form a new family dynamic.  You can't let yourself just feel hurt because it's easier on everyone else.  In the long run, you'll resent your partner, or the kids.  You don't want that, and you don't want any of them resenting you.  Be honest with yourself as well.  Know how you are feeling, and why you were feeling that way.  Understand how you feel before you approach it with everyone else so that you can avoid hurting their feelings, and you can clearly communicate what you feel, why, and a good solution for it.  Know that even the most insignificant, unimportant things can cause a huge speed bump later in your lives together if you don't approach it now.  Honesty and communication help a lot in love and relationships, and it shows the kids how to be in a good relationship.

7.  Set a good example.  Show them how to love and communicate.  Teach them to be honest and understanding.  Show them how to share, and how to plan, and have fun.  You are teaching them about relationships.  Hopefully, if it works out well, they will be able to have good relationships in the future by watching you.  It's okay to fight, and occasionally the kids will see it or hear it.  That's going to happen, but try to avoid it.  When it happens, make sure you communicate to the children that you were angry, but that you just needed to communicate and come up with a solution together.  Make sure they know that fights are going to happen, but that it doesn't mean the end of a relationship.  They need to see how to make up after a fight, and that you still love each other when you don't agree on something.  They need to know that an argument is not going to break you apart at the drop of a hat. 

8.  Kids will be kids.  They are frustrating sometimes.  They don't always think about others, and they don't always do or say things the way they should.  They are messy, and loud, and they can be a lot of fun.  If you find yourself getting stressed out, jealous, angry, or upset over something, remove yourself from the situation, take a few deep breaths, and if you need to, treat yourself to some "me time."  It's okay to feel those things.  It's not okay to take it out on the kids.  Have fun with it!  Learn to love it.  It will be amazing and fun and unlike any experience you will ever have again, so enjoy it.
I know these are just a few big rules.   I also know that this is a lot of reading, and my family and friends (or should I say my sister and one friend who read this) won't relate to this at all.  I'm just hoping that one person who stumbles upon it someday will find it useful, and maybe have some good advice for me.  Thanks for reading.

Just so you know before hand, no, I am NOT engaged yet.  It's okay, it'll happen soon enough.  That being said, I just had a fun idea for a guest book.  Once I told Travis, he also had a good idea.  So I'd like to put it to a vote: what would you like more if it were you?

So here's the basic concept for my idea:  On the RSVP, I plan to have a line for a requested song to be played at the reception, weather or not they will be drinking champagne or sparkling grape juice, and how many adults and children they will be bringing (below is just a fun one I found on pinterest). 
 
 At the bottom of my RSVP, I'd like to request that my guests (even those who cannot come), send back a photograph.  I then would like to put together a photobook of all of the photos that have been sent to me, which will serve as a guestbook.  At my wedding, I'd like to have the book out for guests to sign with a sign that asks for them to find their picture, sign their names, and to write how they know us, a memory of us, and a piece of advice for us.  I'd intersperse it with photos from our engagement shoot (for guests that don't want to send a photo back).  I think this would be a lot of fun to look at for years to come. 

Travis's idea is to make a puzzle out of a picture of us, and to have our guests sign a piece and put together the puzzle as they come in.

Like I said, I like both ideas, so I'd like to put it to a vote: what should I do for my future wedding guest book?

Love you all!  PS, we're buying a house!!! So I'm sure there will be moving ideas, packing ideas, cleaning tips, and decorating ideas soon to follow.