Stop, drop, and listen

So I have the unique experience of being only ten years older than my almost thirteen-year-old step daughter. Even so, I was having a really hard time connections with her, and there was almost a sense of animosity between us for a little while. Some of this has to do with issues we have been facing with her mother, which is totally unfair to her, I know, but luckily I recently re-read all of my journals. Here is what I wrote to my future self, without even knowing it.

I told myself that I needed to stop pushing my thoughts and opinions on my pre-teen and teenagers. I needed to drop my hurt feelings, and drop my opinions, and shut up. I needed to stop talking, drop what I wanted to say, and just listen. I know, you get it. But seriously, this was a major big thing to me. So after realizing that most of my talks with Brieanna had been me talking at her and lecturing her, I decided to try shutting up for once.

And guess what? It worked. She actually wants to tell me stuff! She is spilling out gossip and secrets and telling me about her day on her own! It took a little bit of prodding at first, but she told me about her first boyfriend before she told her mom or dad, and even before he asked her out. She tells me about her friends, what they do together and talk about, and how she feels about things going on in her life. It's amazing, and I love it! 

It isn't quite working for Dylan, but he's a boy, and I'm not quite sure that talking about feelings is something any boy really does.

Anyway, so my advice for mothers of teenage girls is to try it. Stop, drop, and listen. It's harder than you think, but well worth the effort.